Talking to my diary. Again. Should've been tired of this by now, but I'm out of options... again. I need to vent out how I feel, but no one's listening. The guy in the dorm right above me is playing Green Day songs, but it's a song I'm horribly familiar with, and I try to tune out the sound automatically. Again.
It's too cold in my room. Somewhere close by, an owl hoots, a dog howls morosely... The chill wind seeps through my body, freezing my bones. Again. My roomies are sitting together, laughing at bawdy jokes. I join in mechanically, without even hearing the joke. Again. They don't notice the slip in my composure or my fake laughter and carry on with more sick jokes. Again.
I throw a glance at my closet, noticing without any real interest that it has become more untidy than a doctor's handwriting. I check my emails and facebook notifications. Even before I check them out, I somehow know that there's nothing new in my inbox. My brain is numb, but I can't stop thinking while thinking about nothing at all. Again.
By now, my roomies are hitting the sack, telling me that even abnormal human beings like me need sleep sometimes. I chuckle weakly at the old joke, but like every other piece of advice I've ever heard, I block it out before it even registers with my brain. Again.
By now it is 0430 and I'm still wide awake. Time has passed without me knowing, like it always does. I try to sleep, but sleep behaves like a sulking child, never coming close, sticking its tongue out at me. I'm about to scream, rip my hair off and strangle everyone in my sight. Somehow, slowly, bit by bit, cell by cell, I reign myself in. Again.
A feeling of despair washes over me, ferociously trying to do me in, almost choking me with agony. I'd never thought that heartache was a physical feeling, not just a fanciful description. Tears slide down, wetting my beard. I've lost her. Again.
It's too cold in my room. Somewhere close by, an owl hoots, a dog howls morosely... The chill wind seeps through my body, freezing my bones. Again. My roomies are sitting together, laughing at bawdy jokes. I join in mechanically, without even hearing the joke. Again. They don't notice the slip in my composure or my fake laughter and carry on with more sick jokes. Again.
I throw a glance at my closet, noticing without any real interest that it has become more untidy than a doctor's handwriting. I check my emails and facebook notifications. Even before I check them out, I somehow know that there's nothing new in my inbox. My brain is numb, but I can't stop thinking while thinking about nothing at all. Again.
By now, my roomies are hitting the sack, telling me that even abnormal human beings like me need sleep sometimes. I chuckle weakly at the old joke, but like every other piece of advice I've ever heard, I block it out before it even registers with my brain. Again.
By now it is 0430 and I'm still wide awake. Time has passed without me knowing, like it always does. I try to sleep, but sleep behaves like a sulking child, never coming close, sticking its tongue out at me. I'm about to scream, rip my hair off and strangle everyone in my sight. Somehow, slowly, bit by bit, cell by cell, I reign myself in. Again.
A feeling of despair washes over me, ferociously trying to do me in, almost choking me with agony. I'd never thought that heartache was a physical feeling, not just a fanciful description. Tears slide down, wetting my beard. I've lost her. Again.
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